Four Self-Help Tips to Deal with the Self-Help Tips
Wonder why all the self-help is not helping you?
Did you know that the human brain can make use of just 0.0001% of the self-help available on Medium alone?
Have you ever realized you would be a billionaire monk with hundreds of side hustles, investment in bitcoins, Ph.D. in Artificial Intelligence, expertise in dating, mastery in the bed, enlightenment through ayahuasca, and six-pack abs only if you utilized the 1% of the self-help tips available on Medium itself?
Do you want to be the one? Do you?
Yes, you?
You have come to the right place, my friend!
This article is the rocket launcher of your dreams to defy the escape velocity of your fears with the fuel of your desires.
Yeah, I know I should get a Booker Prize for the last line, but, without much ado, let’s get back to the point with yet another listicle:
The Journal: The journal is the most recommended self-help tip ever. I recommend you make one journal for each of your objectives and then maintain the objectives into separate journals for each category- ‘Body,’ ‘Mind,’ ‘Soul,’ ‘the Actually Important ones,’ and ‘the Better be Hidden ones.’ Pro tip: you may want to use a key and lock for the last one.
Thereafter, another journal to keep a record of all these journals. If you really understood what I just explained, then we need to talk.
Be Selective: Look at the dude in the picture. While this picture was taken, he had tremendous pressure from his bae to take her along with him for his trip to the grocery store next door. Instead, he decided to carry a bag full of bags just in case aliens attack the earth during his shopping; he should be able to stock up for the year. He also hit the bulls-eye by carrying a Danish flag to explain to the aliens that he didn’t have to vote for Trump.
Similarly, it would help if you were selective of the tips you are going to pursue. Pro tip: The best self-help tips are usually found in humor publications on Medium.
Fake it: OK, you made your journals and selected your tips, proving you are serious in this game. It’s time to move to the next level of seriousness. Stand upright in front of the mirror and say loudly ten times, “It’s time to play the game. Time to play the game! Hahaha. I am the game, you don’t want to play me. I am control, no way you can change me. I am heavy debt, no way you can pay me. I am the pain and I know you can’t take me.”
Wondering what you just read? It’s the HHH (His Holy Highness) anthem from the WWE (Women Welfare Enterprise).
Review Progress: A very important step. Review the progress. Of the self-help advisors, of course. Scan the Medium profiles of the writers giving you the tips. Then stalk them on other social media.
Check if the expert advising you about “10 ways to live the Zen way” is posting hate messages in the Insta post by one of the Kardashians. If the person advising about financial freedom is asking for a security guard’s job on Linkedin. If the selfie posting babe writing about the “relationship advice” just changed her tenth boyfriend in a year on Facebook.
If the answer to such questions is yes, then congratulations! You are under the right guidance since such people are the experts at point number three (faking) and must have seriously followed my advice to get there.
Well, is this the end? Not quite. If you really liked my article then stay tuned for the next one on “Five Self-Help Tips to Make the Most of the Four Self-Help Tips to Deal with the Self-Help Tips.”
